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Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect
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And to start it all off I have a recommendation for a book!  

I am an avid reader, and I can't even tell you how AMAZING this book was that I read.  I couldn't put it down.  It was a collection of short stories, all about a secret that lay within these families.  It has a string emotional pull towards anybody who feels anything about the Holocaust, since it had that theme.  It just amazed me, I can't even tell you.

the book is called "Awake in the Dark" by Shira Nayman.  You can get it at any book stores, and it's about $21?

If anyone reads it I'd love to talk about it with someone!!!

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Food, Stress, and the Holiday Season

Tips for managing food and stress during the holidays.

1.  Plan ahead.  Think of a friend or family member who you can call when you are feeling stressed.  We have feelings and emotions that resurface during the holiday season and it is important to have a plan for when those feelings arise so that we do not behave in a self-destructive way.
2.  Take care of your body!  Traveling during the holiday season can be physically exhausting.  Make sure your body has an opportunity to relax and that your muscles are given a break.
3.  Be sure to get enough sleep!  The hustle and bustle of the holiday season may be exciting, but depriving your mind and body of sleep can create an unhealthy imbalance, which will interfere with your ability to handle stress positively. 
4.  Listen to your body!  During the holiday season it is easy to neglect your hunger and fullness signals.  Try to maintain a balanced meal system and be kind to yourself about what you are eating.
5.  Take time out for yourself!  Plan to spend some time every day-even if it is only 10 minutes-to write in your journal or just be.  In order to maintain a perspective on the holiday season, it is importnat that you take some time to reflect on your experiences and the meaning of the holidays.  Try and think about what is truly important in your life.
6.  Make sure there is food available that you feel comfortable eating.  Check ahead with the host and find out about what is being served if it will put you at ease.  Offer to bring a dish so that you can be sure there will be food available for you.  It is ideal to have as little anxiety as possible surrounding the food, especially during the holiday season.
7.  Be curious.  If you find that you are berating yourself for over-indulging or eating foods you normally would not eat, try and not be judgmental about those feelings.  Write in a  journal, call a friend, or talk about it with your therapist.  Remember that food is just a symptom of the emotions and everything that you are feeling. 
8.  Enjoy yourself!  Make sure that you take time to enjoy the people around you and the essence of the holiday season.  Television depictions of the holidays do not resemble the reality that accompanies the festivities.  Every family encounters stress and every family has a different holiday experience.  Try to enjoy the special moments by creating memories instead of fussing over unfulfilled expectations.
9.  Focus on the aspects of life unrelated to the food or weight!  Take a break from the repetitive messages about body image on television or in magazines.  The holidays are a time for reflection and celebration, so make sure you take the time to do both with people you care about!

Reprinted form MEDA
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Happy Holidays!

What if........
H unger means you eat when physically hungry instead of emotionally hungry.
A ttitudes about your size have to do with the size of your heart instead of the size of your body.
P arents accept and value you for who you are, not according to how you look.
P roblems are resolved in ways other than stuffing your face with food.
Y ou spend as much time and energy on helping others as you do on how you look.

H appiness comes from within rather than from expectations of others.
O ccasions for the holidays emphasize relating to others instead of emphasizing food.
L ove of self means you deserve to treat yourself in the best humanly possible way.
I dentity of self means more than hwo you look.
D isapproval of self changed to approval of who you are.
A cceptance of what one cannot change including your body features/
Y ou treat yourself a you treat your best friend.
S ociety values you for being you without emphasis to your weight or size.

By: Sharon Sward
Current Mood:
mellow mellow
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Voices - Not Bodies: What on earth does this mean?

When I was first hospitalized for anorexia, my doctor said to me "Claire, you are obviously in a lot of pain. Why don't you try using your voice instead of your body to tell me that you are hurting, to tell me what you need?" This baffled me at that time--I didn't need anything. I was "above" having needs--I didn't need even the basics of food, sleep, attention. No, I wasn't hurting--I was just "fat".

Years later, I look back and realize that she was right. Not only did I have needs, I needed my needs to be met. Not only was I hurting, but I needed comfort, understanding and human connection. But how? I couldn't ask for help--that would be weak, lazy, slothful..."fat". I was terrified of using my voice to ask for ask for love or attention or t even admit that I had needs at all. Who did I think I was? How dare I think that I deserve the time or attention from another person? I finally began to understand my need to disappear...

Through treatment, I realized that I had been asking for help all along by starving my body--I found a way to ask for my needs to be met without actually having to use my voice. It worked--for awhile. It's easy for people to tell that you are in pain and that you need help when you are emaciated. Who can look at a skeletal young girl and not see that she hurts? Not see that she is asking, crying, pleading for something? That's the easy part. The difficulty with using your body to tell people that you hurt lies in the translation. First, many people believe that the eating disorder is purely, or at least primarily, an eating or weight problem. It is not. In fact, it has so very little to do with eating or weight that I believe a person can suffer from an eating disorder for long after their weight is stable and they have been eating healthfully for years. Secondly, using your body to show people your pain becomes a dangerous cycle...for what happens when your body "looks" healthy again?

Anyone who has ever been inpatient for anorexia knows that the weight gain is the first piece of the recovery puzzle...the hardest work comes after the refeeding, after the weight gain...and it can take years. The problem comes when she has not learned another way to express her pain and voice her needs. This is when relapse often happens. The whole system begins to backfire...and the person begins to feel "stuck" in a cycle that is no longer working for her. But she feels trapped. How can she survive if she doesn't "look" sick? If she isn't using her symptoms, how will people know that she still needs help?

She can begin to use her voice to say what her body can't.

It starts small. The person must learn to identify feelings that have been numbed out by the eating disorder for so long before she can begin using her voice to express these feelings. In the past, losing weight was the only way I knew how to express my feelings. Instead of telling, I was showing. Now, if I'm angry or scared or sad, I might call my therapist or a friend and say "I am so angry and here is why. I feel like I don't deserve to be angry or that I am a bad person for being angry. I feel like my anger is going to consume me and I want to take it out on myself."

It's not easy and it takes a lot of work to develop the skills to use your voice. Sometimes when I am not being heard, I think think, "They'd sure listen if I lost 20 pounds". Do not fall prey to old habits. You have tried to use your body in the past and it doesn’t work. Do not stifle or suppress it. You have spent too many years in silence. You have spent too many years denying your body and your mind. You deserve to have feelings, opinions, rage … you deserve attention, love, and food. You deserve space in the world.

Join me. Use your voice … not your body.
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Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In January I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). In June I turned didi1219 in for littering (3 points). In September I didn't flush (-1 points). Last Saturday I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In November I gave 4bidden_tears a kidney (1000 points).

Overall, I've been nice (1031 points). For Christmas I deserve a red Radio-Flyer wagon!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
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I am a new aunt!

Emily Grace came into this world at 3:58 PM weighing 6 pounds 4 ounces.

I drove to NY from MD this morning and I'm exhausted.

Mom and baby are doing GREAT. I'll hold the baby tomorrow.

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good news (according to my treatment team) I gained a pound!

Half of me is okay with that, half of me is very not.

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Lots and Lots to update. I haven't in a while.

Friday I drove down to see Heather and walk around the mall. It was really really really nice to see her. I got to meet her fiance for the first time, and he seems like a wonderful guy. He bought a beautiful engagement ring for her-I am mighty jealous!! Then I drove back, cleaned, get things ready.

Saturday I woke up, went and dropped off my tegretol script, then went to the gym for 45 minutes. I came home packed, showered, and went to Starbucks. I got a blueberry muffin and coffee. Yummy. Then I got on the road and drove up to NY. I got to Rach's by like 4 (after stopping off and picking up my sisters gift from my moms). i love Rach-shes been a good friend to me since we were like 7. We did gymnastic together and we just enjoy each other so much. We have a lot of similarities, and she's always is so supportive. She's so fine with her body-she doesn't have a tiny thin body-it's solid, healthy, and strong. She's a PT, and her body gives her so much in her every day life, and I'm jealous. She eats to fuel herself, she ENJOYS eating. And when we get together I can relax a little bit more about my food, because she's not a typical girl who freaks out about food. It's all relaxed.

Saturday food-no calsCollapse )

We did soem shopping at the mall, I just tried on stuff. No buying, except for a bow and a baby shower card. Then we rented movies, and went back to her house and watched the movie. Then went to sleep.


Ran to Target to get a memory card, then drov really fast to the Rosewood Inn 9where the shower was being held). I helped my mom get everything set up. My mom is an artist and she did a lot of "extra" things for the shower to match the baby's room. It just looked great. There were about 30 women there, and janine was somewhat surprised (she wasn't SURE!) and we had a wonderful time. She got there about 12, and then we ate and played games and opened presents until like 3:30. She got SO much stuff that it took 4 cars to get the stuff back to her house!! (moms Pilot, Janine and Joe's Lexus, the Berey's QX4, and my little civic!) Janine just looks so beautiful and happy and healthy. I can't WAIT for the baby to come. I sat with a bunch of janine's HS friends, and I really enjoyed it. Lori (family friend) brought her 4 month old daughter and the baby loved me and was giggling and laughing and playing with me. LOVED IT!

Bad parts:

Everybody telling me HOW GOOD I LOOKED! and that I looked sooooooooooooooooooooooo good. OH MY GOD I started crying one time.

Saturday brunchCollapse )

I relaxed and ate hat I wanted-it was a brunch so it was very breakfast foods (my choice!) and i ate more than I was comfortable with but would not purge at the shower. I didn't go to the gym on sunday, but I did a lot of running around getting the presents and everything, so I was okay. I even ate CAKE! I was proud of myself.

The I went to dinner with Janine and Joe. we went to the diner.

sunday dinnerCollapse )

I ave even more to write but I don't have time.

Will ost more tomorrow.
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